just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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