I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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