I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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