Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
