Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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