I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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