Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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