we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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