we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
