i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
