Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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