It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
