some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
