I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
