If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
