Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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