Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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