Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
