I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
