im gay
i know
yea but for you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
