When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
