We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
