i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
