my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
