i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Boobs speak an international language.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
