Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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