I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
