first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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