I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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