that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
