i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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