You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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