I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
