i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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