how can u be prego again
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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