Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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