i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
