At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
