Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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