So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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