everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The power of my boobs compel you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
