WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
