I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
