Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
