i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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