The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
