Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
