Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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