got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
