Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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