Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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