You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
