Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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