I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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