she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
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So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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