Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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