I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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