cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
