How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
