So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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