i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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